I got chris browned last night
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
