She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
