I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
its liver damage thursday
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
