im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
