he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
