I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
