I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
