If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
