So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
