Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i would punch a child for taco bell
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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