Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
