I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
nutella sex= disaster
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
