we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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