Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
