HIV tests are more positive than that guy
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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