please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
