I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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