Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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