Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Less talking, more tequila
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
