If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
