yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
