I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize