People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
