Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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