I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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