Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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