You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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