just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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