So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
