She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
