I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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