I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
