well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
