Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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