i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
