After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
