Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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