sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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