it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
