somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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