i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
