you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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