arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
