i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
