all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
