If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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