Pappa wants mamma naked
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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