I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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