Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Oh god it's open bar.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
