He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
